So you’ve read Part 1 and are looking for more on how to stop hating people? This is Part 2 where I share tips on how to get better at forgiveness and let things go.
Recognize when you want to hold a grudge
Holding grudges, being spiteful and vindictive (wanting to exact revenge on someone when it’s God’s job to punish them) is definitely on the evil side. Gotta be honest. Remember, this is a real, direct blog you’ve stumbled upon, but welcome home👋🏽;).
Ahem . . .
Step 1: Slow Down
If your mind is constantly in react mode, it’s hard to be slow to anger and ready to forgive quickly.
While thinking of what to write for this blog, I had this thought pop into my mind: “Wanting to exact revenge on a human is like having someone you disapprove of disciplining your child.” Yikes. The parents know what I’m talking about with that one. God said vengeance is His. Don’t worry, He’ll take care of it. If you think it’s taking too long (and I know how you feel), just think of the time you were given to you to repent from some sin.
My friends, do not try to punish others when they wrong you, but wait for God to punish them with his anger. It is written: “I will punish those who do wrong; I will repay them,” says the Lord.
Romans 12:19
Woo, that’s a good one there. Rest in that.
Let me help you pry your fingers off the cold, death grip that you have on hatred by holding onto that grudge.
Forgiveness is a choice we make. We can do it with the power of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes, all we have to do is ask for help.
Deny Yourself.
Would you say that you have given your life to Christ? It’s time to do what He wants. Even if you want to tell someone off and rip them to shreds with words, you must deny yourself that pleasure because it’s evil. You’ve given up your life for Christ, yeah? You should love what God wants. As believers, we’re supposed to get used to dying daily—letting go of the old, spiritually dead part of us who loves to do sinful things.
Pray
Hey, if you’re struggling with this, pray about it and ask yourself if you’ve counted the cost of being a Christ-follower. But always remember that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. So ask for that strength and believe you will get it.
Oftentimes, I pray for something and tell God that I’m looking forward to the answer to this and go on about my day in faith. Sometimes minutes, hours, or days later, I remember that I prayed for that very thing that I just received an answer to. Then I sit there like, *mind blown*.
“I was put to death on the cross with Christ, and I do not live anymore—it is Christ who lives in me. I still live in my body, but I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself to save me.” (Galatians 20:2 NCV)
We’re supposed to let go of that old life (and that old, raggedy, “evil, hateful, nasty, no good —” . . . thought life. Sound familiar? Wait, I gotta harp on that one real quick. In our evil minds, while we hate someone and are spewing mental gossip and arguments with them in our heads (and all day long too), we’re the ones being all of the evil that we say they are!
Ouucch! Let that truth sink in and then pray for the strength to beat this!
Let’s Talk Strategy!
When we think of our earthly “enemies” from our old dead thinking patterns, we say things like, “Ugh. I can’t stand her. Why is she here? She’s an evil, hateful, nasty, no good — ” you know what.
Now, does that sound like the mind of Christ? Nah. Not at all.
When you feel the temptation to be offended, let go of that desire to tell someone off and that desire to put them in their so-called place. As much as you think that might make you happy, that is not the way. Pray. Pray for help. You know how the Bible says to pray without ceasing? This is one of those moments.
“God, Your word says that every good and perfect thing comes from You (James 1:17). I feel like telling her off right now, but that’s not a good thing and part of me knows it’s not even that serious. I need help. Lord, will you give me the good things that only come from you? I need to be the light of the world and the salt of the earth in this situation. I’m asking for patience, kindness, and all the fruits of the Holy Spirit. I’m asking this in Jesus’s name. Amen.”
I had to pray that very same prayer today! God heard me and I no longer felt like telling that person off. I later laughed at how I was thinking before. Like, “Wow, that was petty! I’m glad I didn’t do that. Anyway. Next,” and I continued with my day, being the light of the world as much as possible. When the next temptation arises, I’ll do the same thing by the grace of God and that’s all there is to it. Next.
Let the “Old Spirit Man” Die
Let’s not be like that anymore. We have a new life in Christ. We now come from a kingdom where we love and pray for our human “enemies” even though it hurts and I know it hurts. It’s where we bless those who curse us. Remember? That is the kingdom of God we are meant to bring on earth as it is in heaven. That is how we shine our light into this dark world — the darkness in people’s hearts. Your light could be a prayer for that person, bringing them out of that darkness. We need light in the darkness. We’re the army of the Lord — prayer warriors for lost people!
Give Them a Mental Gift
Is the enemy tempting you to hate a human again? Think of a gift you would buy that person if given the opportunity. Really. Dive into what you know or notice about them — something you think they’d like. This is a strategy to change up the intrusive evil thoughts you’re having about that person. If you don’t know the person, try this: Amazon gift card. Who couldn’t use that? I’ve found that this helps me to interrupt the negative thinking pattern.
I use this strategy myself and after I’m done window shopping for them in my head, I realize that those evil thoughts have left me. Why? Because I resisted that devil that wanted to repeat arguments in my head and bring me into perpetual sin, cursing the person with hatred in my heart. But I’m done with that mindset, so when it happens, because my mind is getting renewed with the Word of God, I can catch myself and reject the thoughts.
Those mental gifts are like feeding your earthly enemy. As you feed your earthly enemy or give him a drink if he’s thirsty, you heap burning coals on the real enemy’s head! See that? And he ends up running away from you (fleeing) because you’re not following the protocol like you used to!
That’s one battle down. Moving on.
If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink. Doing this will be like pouring burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.
Proverbs 25:21-22
How Do I (The Author) Deal with Anger?
I pray fervently from my heart and I use these tips that I’m sharing with you.
After being set free from years of hatred, it still tries to get me back. I had an evil chance to go back to my old sinister, vindictive ways and hate someone again. But guess what? I’m no longer interested in holding hatred in my heart. I cry to God when tempted with that devil called anger. That’s how little that old way of life interests me now. I’d have trouble sleeping if I didn’t deal with that before sunset.
Pray this: “I don’t want to be that person anymore. Jesus, please take this from me. I want to know how to stop hating people.”
Fast
Crucify the Flesh (what does that mean?) Tell your old nature “NO!” Fasting is a fundamental way to dedicate to saying “NO” to yourself and seeking God. Get some practice with living a fasted lifestyle. Remember, when we fast, we don’t allow ourselves to fight with people (even in our minds). Instead, we aim to remain aware of our thoughts and kick out the ones that go against God.
How to Stop Hating People? Be Selfless.
“I feel this way, but I don’t want to.” It’s okay to recognize that part of you wants to hold a grudge, but if you desire to honor God, tell Him you don’t want to be that way.
Note: Just to be clear, these intense blogs are our Bible studies together. We’re walking through this together. The enemy is defeated as we gain this knowledge of God and God’s kingdom.
Ahh, I love that verse, especially in that version. It sums up life. Don’t know your purpose? Seek God and how he wants you to behave on earth. He will direct you to your purpose. You have filth in your heart and want to get rid of it? Seek God’s kingdom (the one that’s not of this world) and His righteousness (what He wants) and He’ll start renewing your mind and in turn, renew your heart.
Do those things He says. Find out what He says by reading it in the Bible. Ask for a hunger for the Word of God. When you’re studying and searching out how to live a Christian life as a true child of God, He will show you your purpose and give you everything you need daily (our daily bread). I’m writing a blog post on what the Lord’s Prayer or Our Father Prayer means line by line. Stay tuned for that.
There will be a Part 3 of this one too. It’s a series, remember? 🙂
Have a better day and remember what I told you here and in Part 1.
Take care,
Alisha